I went too far, and I’m on the sea.

 

I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know when I noticed. But at some point, land became sea. And the bobbing of the ocean under my feet became normal. 

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Miles and miles of water stretch out before me. I see it all while seeing so little because I don’t move off my particular spot on the sea. 

I stand still. Maybe I can’t move. Maybe I can, but I have not tried.

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I went too far. I’m on the sea.

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It’s not so bad here. I can stare at the fish swimming peacefully under me. Part of me wants to join them. To finally let the freezing water surround me as I sink below. But I don’t know if I want to sink. Or if I even could.

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That’s why I stay in my spot. I don’t think I’m ready for the water to rush into my lungs. 

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 I stopped walking on the waves. Once I realized I could plummet any moment, I didn’t dare take another step. 

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I do nothing more but stand here and watch the fish. Just like the shark watches me.

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The shark is just as stagnant as I. It’s been watching me ever since I stood still. Patiently, it floats. I can’t tell if the shark warns me against sinking or if it’s waiting on me to be engulfed by the water. I think I enjoy its company, though.

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I went too far, and I’m on the sea. The waves flow, and sometimes they freeze, but one thing that remains the same is I went too far, and I’m on the sea. I can’t remember where I came from or what was before the blue expanse. All I know is I went too far.

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I started to feel close to the shark. My shark. I like to think my shark wouldn’t hurt me if I sank into the sea. I’d like to think my shark was watching out for me, but I still did not test it. I didn’t want to break the fantasy of my shark being my shark.

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When did I get so anxious?  When did I become afraid of taking the same steps that got me here? When did I go too far?

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I started to think maybe I had been one of the fish under the waves before I stood atop them. Maybe I used to swim along just as they do. Maybe I had my own pattern and routine of where I swam. Perhaps my shark is waiting for me to sink back to where I belong.

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But I also thought, what if I had come from the land? What if my purpose was beyond the sea, and I really have just come too far. What if I have things waiting for me? How do I get back? Where do I go back to? Or do I stay here? Too far out. On the sea. 

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The waters were starting to get rough, or maybe they always were. It was getting hard to keep my balance though, but I think I could get used to my place on the sea. I don’t know if I have a choice, but it’s not so bad being here with my shark and watching the fish.

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 I went too far, and I’m on the sea, but maybe I’m okay with that.